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I'm home now, just.

Instead of pulling out my laptop in the airport and fiddling with pictures and starting a post, I started David O'Meara's new book of poetry, a thoughtful birthday gift from the Grs.

This bit

Then the further auctioning off
of towns and hills that flashed below -- going, gone

echoed what CT said on our last trip to the El.

My mouth was set; I was looking at the ground. I could feel him beside me, or dropping back when we needed to move in single file. We were quiet, both of us. Occasionally our suitcase wheels would chunk over the sidewalk cracks in time; occasionally we'd be syncopated. Most often we followed no rhythm I could discern.

"This isn't bad for a stoic death march, is it?" he said.

I laughed, finally.

"No, certainly. Could be much much worse."

"Should give you an idea of how I felt leaving Ottawa, I think. You spend a few days, a week, trying to carve out a life for yourself, and then you feel it disappear block by block."

Truth is, I've been saying I'm going to write a blog post since Saturday. But I've either napped, sightseen or fucked my way around actually doing it.

CT is beyond lovely. He is kind and sweet; funny and thoughtful - so thoughtful! - and easygoing; more willing than I to step outside his comfort zone.

We saw a lot of stuff around the city. The aquarium on Thursday, where I kept jumping up and down and clapping my hands over the beauty of the sea creatures. The Silver Jews on Friday, after a great dinner with Sue. A walking tour of beautiful buildings yesterday. A movie and dinner date - our first real date. We took approximately one hundred rides on the El. Had a fancy drink on the 96th floor; I marvelled at the mist-covered maw of the lake tonguing the bright avenues.

We stayed in a lot too, skipping Pinback last night, going straight home after Ground Nut Stew, picking up a couple of Fat Tires at the 7-11 along the way. We had lazy mornings in bed and hanging around, slow starts to days that often ended late.

It was: busy, great, melancholy, entertaining, overwhelming. All of those words are right, technically. None of them give you the truth.

Truth is, I don't quite know what to say.