Hachoo

I met Grace in library school. I sat in the back row, contributing to the line of hair grease on the cement wall. She sat one row up and two seats over from me. One day, pretty early on, I had one of my sneezing fits, which are pretty memorable. She turned around, looked me in the eye, and said "You know, I read once that a person comes the way they sneeze."

It is the first thing I remember her saying to me.

I really enjoy sneezing, which is good, because I do it a lot and in multiples. It often surprises people the first couple of times they hear me do it, and then everybody gets used to it and after a few months, no one blesses me after the first sneeze.

So say you're the kind of person who sneezes a lot, and usually sneezes at least three times in a row, and usually sneezes a couple or so fairly dainty achoos that really sound like achoos before you let rip with a skull polishing monster achoo that still does sound like achoo, and find the whole process very satisfying, well, then, you might be disappointed if you're doing the dishes and have a sneezing fit, but your sneezing fit leaves you high and dry after a few dainty achoos. So you might decide, since you are alone, to just sneeze a last big fucking sneeze, because it's only the loofah fish hanging above the sink who's going to care.

Afterwards, though, you might feel as if you only cheated yourself and decide that you're never going to fake it again.