I Don't Know What's Gotten Into Me, I'm Not Usually So Mean


6 comments posted
It's not mean if it's

It's not mean if it's factual!

Posted by Tiana (not verified) on Sat, 05/16/2009 - 23:32
At the risk of seeming

At the risk of seeming either self-promotionally linky or synchronious, maybe certain thoughts are just in the air right now...

Looking forward to the hair

Posted by coyote (not verified) on Sun, 05/17/2009 - 06:22
Tiana: Well, it was factual

Tiana: Well, it was factual for me, but someone else might have heard the music completely differently. Maybe someone else loved that out-of-place sounding guitar; maybe other people aren't so jaded about the affectations of lead singers.

Coyote: That photo didn't show up in my google reader! Otherwise I would have linked it myself.

Posted by megan on Sun, 05/17/2009 - 10:06
I'm happy I didn't see them,

I'm happy I didn't see them, but I wouldn't have missed your five-star scathing review for anything.

Posted by zoom (not verified) on Sun, 05/17/2009 - 10:21
Hi Megan, I'm the lead

Hi Megan,

I'm the lead singer of Ketch Harbour Wolves. Normally I wouldn't respond to something like this because I'm trying to grow a thick skin about bad criticism and because I very much want to believe that the democratization of opinion that has been fueled by the web is in fact a noble thing. It's difficult however to remain convinced in the face of such tactlessness. You didn't like the show, that's fine. The music did nothing for you and you didn't like the way I looked when I sang it, no problem. But saying that I'm a "terrible boyfriend" and that "you spend all your time telling your lover how sensitive you are and you never ask them how their damn day was" is not only hurtful and inaccurate but it fully undermines the integrity of your critique -- if one can call it that.


-Jonathan Tyrrell

Posted by Jonathan Tyrrell (not verified) on Tue, 05/19/2009 - 11:59
Hi Jonathan, Thank you for

Hi Jonathan,

Thank you for responding to this publicly and for doing so without being defensive. I appreciate that very much.

Often in situations like this, I'd delete the offending lines. I won't this time for a couple of reasons. I think a few things make it quite clear that even though my words are phrased as a statement of fact (i.e. "you are a terrible boyfriend"), I was really only expressing my opinion that I thought you looked like one. First, the next line down I admit that I'm being harsh and that "quite likely I'm projecting." And then again in the comments I tell Tiana that I was only writing about my interpretation of the facts, and that maybe other people wouldn't be so jaded (i.e. they wouldn't think that at all).

Not that it's probably any less hurtful that I only think you look like a terrible boyfriend.

Some background might make it feel less personal: Friday night you bore the brunt of my nearly 20 years of dating musicians personally and hearing stories of other people doing the same. I have watched many amazing women cry over band boys. When you perform, you remind me very much of those boys - the ones who write sweet songs about how much they love their girlfriends and sing them on stage like they're baring the very deepest parts of their souls. The girlfriends with whom they rarely spend time because they are too busy practising and drinking with their band and Being Creative.

Obviously, I have no idea whether you're that kind of guy.

Unfortunately, on Friday night, in my brain you got pasted with the same brush. Then, though I normally keep stuff like that to myself, I was in the mood to let it fly on Saturday. I do apologize that you ended up bearing the brunt of my ongoing frustration with a certain kind of boy. It was (as I say in the title of the post) mean.

I'm afraid the apology might seem a bit hollow, since I'm also going to just let you take this one for all band boys everywhere, whether or not you're actually one of them.

I'd never have the chutzpah to elevate this post to the level of critique. It's nothing more than a rant from a generally nice person who was unleashing some meanness on the ignoble internet. It is entirely lacking in integrity and is tactless to boot. Please don't take the words of a tired, still slightly bitter, crank too seriously.

Again, your measured response was much appreciated.


Posted by megan on Tue, 05/19/2009 - 15:38