In the Glow of One Great Flirt

Last night, I got to watch a great flirter in action. You know those people who can put it out there, that focus? They give you the feeling that you're the prettiest, handsomest, smartest, all-get-out greatest person in the room, and there's really nothing else they'd rather be doing than listening to you laugh and looking into your sweet mug.

When they turn their gaze my way, I always feel a bit like I'm basking. I don't take it for anything more than it's worth, which is a gallant moment of genuine attention that you want to greet with the best, quickest, funniest bits of yourself.

But that's worth quite a lot, in my opinion.

As someone often ill at ease in small talk social situations, who often runs out of things to say even when she's talking to someone she finds quite interesting, I want to study these great flirters. I want to spend more time with them - and yeah, sure, because it feels good to bask like that - but also because I want to dissect their actions and come up with a diagram of the perfect flirtation.

For me, I think lack of actual intention is key. Not that I'm dissing the kind of flirting that leads to pants removal. I thoroughly approve of that kind of flirting. But the true flirt flirts simply for the joy of it, because it makes people feel good, which must, in turn, make them feel good. That lack of intention means you can just sit back and enjoy the ride.

What makes a flirt good for you?

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Other flirting and dating resources:

• Andrea Zanin's Five-Step Flirtation
• the ESIs search for a Revolutionary New Dating Paradigm
• Zoom's hilarious date stories