Submitted by megan on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 12:49
My mom gave me a set of bed sheets when I moved to Halifax. They were navy when I got them, and over the past 8 years they've faded into a soft dark blue, the same colour as my grandmother's eyes, but 4 shades darker.
Last week, there was a small tear along the seam between the top hem and the body of the sheet. Over the week it got bigger. And bigger. Until I felt like someone was trawling for me as I slept, caught in the net when I woke up.
So I need new sheets. This is a problem. If it weren't for the fact that sheets won't ever make your boobs look weird or your belly bulge in the wrong spots, I would put sheet shopping right up there with bra and bathing suit shopping. It's overwhelming.
This is an investment. If my past history is anything to go buy, I'm going to have these sheets for the next 8 to 10 years. Hell, I've still got the sheets I bought 12 years ago. Family history supports this idea too - my sister is still using the fitted flannel sheet I got for my 10th birthday. The pillowcases from that set have been torn into squares I use for sex cloths, and they're my favourite ones, being the softest. We like to hold on to things, us Butcher girls.
So what if I make the wrong decision? What if the colour isn't right? What if they're scratchy and not soft? How do I know if I want crisp egyptian cotton or softer regular cotton? Will I want the same thing in 3 years? 5 years? 8 years? Should I just bite the bullet and use some of my savings to buy the $300 organic cotton ones? Seems like a lot, but that's $30 a year for the next decade. See? That's not such a bad plan. But then what if they're not as soft and nice as the colour of my grandmother's eyes and every night I go to sleep and think, these are not what I wanted, but I can't get rid of them because they are good quality and were expensive. And $300 for sheets? Maybe I should spend $60 on sheets made of cotton spun by little fingers and sprayed with poison by people with little lungs and donate the rest of the money to ACO to run a crack pipe kit program. I don't know. I don't know.
See, this is what happens to me every time I try to buy sheets. And why I've been sleeping for months under a gradually fraying sheet.
Jennifer has offered to drive me to ikea on Sunday, which is beside a linens store. What is going to happen is that I am going to end up with an armful of sheet options, and I'm going to talk myself into and out of them several times and then I am going to look imploringly and helplessly at Jennifer and then she is going to just grab one option out of the pile and say "These ones." and then I will be perfectly happy with them. For the next 10 years.