Submitted by megan on Wed, 02/25/2009 - 22:55
You know something that I am very glad about?
Other than the fact that it is almost not-February?
That I am not dating.
Oh, I know, I was all mopey and sad about it a couple weeks ago, and lord knows, I probably will be again, but it is such a relief.
Last spring, a few days before my first date with Mae, I was chatting with a co-worker about the date. He asked me if I was excited. I'm not sure if he was expecting my response.
Well. Yeah? She's really cute and seems really interesting. But I don't know about dating, y'know? Either you go on one date and it's bad and why did you bother, or you go on one date and it's really fun, so you go on another. And it's really fun, so you go on another. And so on and so on until they rip your heart out and stomp on it.
It's true that perhaps I was not quite yet ready to date.
But even now, even with that wound well-healed. I'd maybe change "until they rip your heart out" to "until it becomes obvious it's not going to work and hopefully no one's feelings get really hurt."
What it boils down to is that I can't see the start of dating without seeing the end of dating.
In some ways, that's fine. You can learn a lot about yourself and other people by dating for a few months. To continue the example, I really enjoy the connection that Mae and I have, and if we'd never dated, it wouldn't be as rich. I would consider it a loss.
What allowed me to open myself the way I did with her was the thought of something more permanently romantic. The hope that this one might not end.
I'm not entirely sure what the last straw was as far as my hope goes, but what I do know is that right now I'm not in the mood to start something that I most assuredly will finish.