Ridiculous Ailment #1

I hardly ever get sick. Don’t know if it’s the genes or the clean living or what, but it’s been over a year since I’ve had even a bad cold. The last time I had a flu was probably 4 or 5 years ago.

I am, however, the reigning queen of Ridiculous Ailments. I’ve compiled a list, and it will become an ongoing series here. Because what would you rather read about, world politics or my cysts?

This rash that had me all in a swearing fluster on Friday night? Runs in the family.

I was washing my hair after running on Saturday morning, and when I went to rinse, noticed that the rash had spread all over my arms. I had a sudden vision of my mother standing in her kitchen beside the fridge and holding her forearm out to me, pressing a thumb into the small red dots. “See, I’ve been sick,” she’s saying.

Out of the shower and onto the phone.

“So, Mom, you know that rash you get after you’ve been sick? What happens?”

“Well, it starts on my stomach, and then spreads up under my breasts and over my back and down to the tops of my legs and then when it's peaking it goes down my arms and up my neck and in behind my ears, but not much on my face.”

“Is it itchy?”

“Not so you want to scratch your skin off, but a little. Why? You have it?”

“I dunno, it sounds the same, but I haven’t been sick.”

“Okay, so press your thumb into it. Does it blanch for a second and then come back? You know, the first time I got it, I hadn’t really been sick, just fighting something off for a couple weeks.”

Check, check, check, check. I got the “Told You I Was Sick Rash.” After not even being sick.