Submitted by megan on Fri, 09/19/2008 - 22:25
Today was an okay day.
I woke up tired at 7:30, even though lights out was before 10 the night before.
Spent a lot of the day irritable because I was tired. This tired I've had on since the ferrous news is totally weirding me out. Still, got through a fair amount of work.
And a good yoga class with a new teacher who not only showed me something to help my knees, but also helped figure out how me and my vestigial baby toe might start managing Janu C. I have been puzzling over that for months now, and all it took was announcing to the class that my tiny baby toe was jabbing the floor uncomfortably and asking did the teacher have any tips.* Slightly embarrassing, because I'm pretty sure that no one in the class wanted to know about my vestigial baby toe, but sometimes, you just have to ask the embarrassing question to get what you need.
Then I had a driving lesson.
Then I cried. And yes. It's ridiculous that I cried over a driving lesson. Thankfully, I didn't cry during a driving lesson.
I'm stuck in a place where I think I might not be able to drive our car outside a parking lot. And you can tell me that I will all you want, but I won't really believe you.
Because first, I will have to stop being afraid of other cars, and I don't see that changing any time soon. I'd be fine as long as I only had to start the car and go forward on an incline. Those starts I'm pretty good at. Upshifting and downshifting, I'm okay as long as I only have to do the one thing and don't have to watch out for any cars or people and no one is talking to me unless they're giving me specific instructions. But I'm terrible at getting going. I am frustrated with myself for not being able to do this. I hate feeling helpless. I hate feeling incompetent. I hate feeling stupid.
My feet are very stupid. They are, you might say, my Achilles' heel.
Dinner made things mostly better, since I was with Shelley and Steve and M-C. But here I am, not quite 11 on a Friday night, still feeling weepy at the keyboard, and stinking of BBQ beef because of the faulty HVAC system at Koreana.
This week has kicked my fucking ass.
Sometimes, the only thing you can do is go to sleep and make the next day come quick.
* Wrap a towel around it. That gives it the length it needs to spread out along the floor instead of jabbing uncomfortably and uncannily into the floor. And I mean uncanny. It gives me the creeps, that feeling, like someone else's toe is stuck on top of where my toe already is.
Comments
4 comments postedoh I hear you sister.
I have the same manual car anxiety.
my university dorm roommate had 3 sisters, and she once told me this story of how they learned to drive standard. To learn, her father found this small yet steep hill in her neighbourhood, that was low/ no traffic. Before any of them were aloud to take the car out on their own, they would have to be able to stop and start at the top of that hill without rolling back.
They would spend hours, just at the top of that hill working on it, with no one around or behind them, until they all had hill-top confidence.
I always envied this ability, because I too lack it.
Don't be too hard on those feet of yours- they are after all, some of the cutest toes in town.
I just re-read your blog. Seems you like the incline start.
Disregard.
Well except the bit about your toes. they're still cute.
Mae, you certainly know how to make a girl feel better.
If it makes you feel any better, I feel stupid even when driving an automatic. There's just too much going on all at the same time and so quickly and with such serious consequences if you make a mistake.
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