Things You Never Forget

Not much in the tank for you, dahlinks; a busy week at work and socializing and interviewing for articles has left me feeling a little worn thin. The weather, too, isn't helping. So grey and damp. Though today is warm and that was soothing when Chris and I left for breakfast this morning.

One of the interviews I did was with an ex of mine. When the editor contacted me to do the story, I was surprised and amused. My initial reaction was something along the lines of fuck no. The break up went, shall we say, not so smoothly. It involved me threatening to talk to the police and then, much later, courts and lawyers and bitter recriminations.

Which makes a good, though unbloggable, story.

But then I waffled. I have said a lot of terrible things about that ex, both in private and in public; much of it justified, some of it not. What I was being asked to write about - his musical talent, essentially - was something that was only a problem between us in that I found it very hard to leave, for a variety of reasons.

I knew I could write generously and honestly about pretty much any creative project that he was involved in. I thought it might be good for me to say something nice.

But I didn't really think it through.

The interview went well even though the last time we saw each other in person, it was incredibly angry: with righteous tight-jawed silence on my part, and verbal outbursts on his that I left the judge to deal with. This time there was a group of us, there was something other than the dead horse of our relationship to talk about, there guinness and laughter. I even drove him home after, and we talked only slightly awkwardly of mundane things.

So I'm feeling good about him, good as in settled, good as in, you know, he's not that bad a guy. I remembered that he is interesting and funny and one of the most genuine people I've ever met. In the nearly 4 years since we split, I have sometimes looked at the sum total of what I got out of that relationship and wondered how I could have wasted 4 years of my life with him (as I'm sure he did too). This finally put that to rest. I loved him for good reason. Just too long.

And then I started listening to the recording.

Have you ever transcribed anything? If you have, you're probably already cringing. If you haven't, I will tell you that it means listening to a recording in little loops. You'll get a chunk of words typed out, flip back a bit, listen forwards, get another chunk, flip back again. It can take up to double the amount of time. And that's with a good recording.

The one I got is pretty lousy. By the end of the second time through, just to remember what we'd said and pick out the parts I had to listen to closely, I was nearly out of my skin with irritation. Even though what he's saying is perfectly intelligent and interesting, the intonation, the verbal tics, the laugh. All the same as four years ago. So it was a good interview and I'll have plenty nice to say in the article, but man. Oh man.

Just like riding a bicycle.