When and When Not to Have Sex

In this very funny post over on the Elgin Street Muse's site, one that I meant to blog about when she first wrote it, she recommends having sex with someone while you have a cold. (She takes it back later.)

I won't weigh in on that, because though I imagine that at least once in my illustrious sexual career I must have done this, I don't remember when or with whom.

She also recommends not having sex with someone who has the flu.

This, now. This I will weigh in on. And I must agree with Agatha.

Once upon a time, I was having sex with someone the morning after we'd gone to some loud rock show or another. I'd had a fair amount to drink; he had had quite a lot. We wake up, we're both hungover. But that has never stopped me from having sex if all other systems were a-go. So we start it up, and I'll spare you the details until this: we're face to face when he suddenly grimaces and stops.

"Umm," I say.

But he's up and grabbing a nearby towel and clattering down the stairs while I'm trailing off with "What's going on, are you, did we, is uh uh?"

I'm lying spread-eagled on the bed, feeling foolish for having made someone I was fucking flee the room.

The bathroom door slams shut. Then retching. Not only have I made him flee the room, I've made him barf. It's a first.

He gets back and becaue I feel a little insulted, I'm a little pokey, but not really too, about him having drunk so much. He's swears up and down that it's not a hangover, that he doesn't feel hungover, he feels sick.

"Sure thing," I say. "I guess we'll know in a few days."

We didn't keep fucking. I went and got him some ginger ale and soda crackers, only rolling my eyes once I got out the door.

Well, wiseacres get what they deserve. That was one of the most vicious stomach flus I've had as an adult.

He and I were very accident prone. There's another very funny story that involves a rope, a chest harness, a glass of water and a heating vent. But I'll save that one for a rainy day.

The Elgin Street Muse: Sex with a cold