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Representatives from the camps of winter, missing d.jack, PMS, earlier than usual mornings, and likely low iron are banding together to kick my ass.

I spend 10 minutes every morning arguing with myself about getting up. Things that don't usually irritate me are getting under my skin like thin needles. I push through air like it's water. All day.

The resistance is wearing.

Two notable conversations that happened during my appointment this afternoon with Julian.

+First+

Julian: How you doing?
Me: Not bad.
J: (laughs) Considering the circumstances, I suppose.
M: The part where it feels like you're trying to...
J: Cut your head off?
M: I would have used the word saw, but six of one.

+Second+

J: I think that's going to have to be it for today, my back-
M: Yes.

Because at that point, I was done too. My legs had started into spasms, and you know that nausea and crying jags aren't long past that. But I was sad, because right now it's just the outline and some shading, and I'm going to have to wait till May 19th for the colour, which is what's actually going to make it beautiful.

I hope.

Right now, I can't see it, and I'm nervous. What if it wasn't just the redness, what if I look badly unbalanced now with a giant echinoderm on my right side? What if the tentacles are too round? What if it doesn't really suit me after all? What if, what if, what if?

Meh. Whatever. Too late now for what ifs. An hour till the bandage comes off and I'll know better then.

Photos to follow when the swelling goes down.

++

UPDATE: The bandage came off. I love it. Can't wait for May 19th.

Hoo, yesterday was a tiring day. Too tired for a real narrative today, just whatever's in my brain.

First, big news, I ran errands yesterday morning. By myself. In the car with the manual transmission.

It's true. I can drive.

Well, I can drive if it's early in the morning or late in the evening. I can drive on roads that I already know. I don't parallel park. I wait for big gaps.

I left around 9 to go to the grocery store to pick up cat litter and to the vet's to pick up cat food. By the time I was on my way home, the roads were getting busier, and my hands were shaking from the 45 minutes worth of flowing adrenaline. I got home, turned the car off, took a deep breath, and put my forehead on the steering wheel. Done. I did it.

I thought I couldn't, but I did. Yay me! I needed a nap.

Instead, I went for a run. We're getting to the time of year where I really have to make myself get out there, but man, it is always worth it. I headed out just after the rain stopped, and the river was slate and smooth, the mist and clouds drifting off diagonally, lined up perfect grey stripes.

There is that turn on the path, right after Parkdale, where you come up a small hill and around the bend and the river opens itself up to you. It makes me want to grab the next person by the lapels to make sure they know how lucky we are.

One of the advantages of dating your neighbour is that you get to see them unexpectedly: walking to work, biking off down the street, deep in conversation with other neighbours. On my way home from running, the Born Ruffian was doing the latter. I looked back over my shoulder, his eye caught the movement, maybe the cardinal of my jacket. He called out, we waved, I smiled to know he was around and doing his thing.

Not long after, he called to ask if I had any steel wool. Sadly, I didn't. Tip: Keeping a fully stocked house allows you to say oh yes, Sexy Neighbour, you can for sure come over and get the steel wool, and so, provide an opportunity for kissing. If you do not, you cannot. And that is sad.

Most of the rest of the day was spent writing. A new story, which I will hopefully finish in time to read on the 20th, the blog post last night, with its hundred false starts.

Those periods were interrupted by a lovely surprise coffee with Michael. If you have coffee with him, you will laugh very hard. We talked about dating, and racism, the two combined, and how funny our friends are. And other stuff I can't remember but I enjoyed very much.

Today - in a couple hours, eep - I'm off to another conference. My work is conference crazy. Like NOLA, I don't even really want to go. Unlike NOLA, I will not be picking up any hot Californians.

But I will get a chance to have a beer with Nile, and I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to that. And then! And then! My friend Chris flies into TO on Monday! From Winnipeg! She was going to come to Ottawa anyway, but now we'll get to hang out in Toronto together, which will be very much fun, and very satisfying.

First, though, I need to get through this list I have sitting in front of the computer. First item: pack.

Probably a good idea.